In the modern west the proportion of marriages that end in divorce is very high, up to 50%. The good news is that it does not follow from this that YOU have a 1 in 2 chance of divorce, no sir. Your chance will at least be reduced, because you are smart and will make the decisions that mitigate some of the risk.
So, you meet a girl who might actually fit the bill. If you’re looking to increase your chances at maintaining a stable family unit, here are five red lines to establish from the moment the relationship starts.
1. You don’t reject me, ever
This first one speaks for itself. Under no circumstance can you accept the idea that she gets to choose if or when to satisfy you or choose to sabotage your joint fertility. Like the other red lines, you need to establish this one well before you sign on the dotted line. Practice this from day one and make it clear before you actually marry and the chance it will be accepted long-term is very high.
If you meet resistance on this matter other than for a very good reason, just quote the line to her. If she continues to protest, then simply next her. Only give sex when it suits you. Making her miss out just a little will only make her keener, so don’t sweat, it establishes the basic theme. You control the time and frequency of sex, not her.
This rule is not just important to the fulfillment of your biological needs. More importantly, a woman who will deny you sex early on will only use it to gain greater power over you in the long run. Simply realize this is not a woman you want tethered to your life, and move on.
The obvious exception to this is the first time you have sex. Typically she will control the timing of that for obvious reasons. From the second time onward, any poorly-reasoned denial is a red flag.
2. I make the decisions, not you
You can’t operate as an effective unit unless there is a clear decision maker. You are that decision maker. As a rule of thumb that means that all decisions about things outside the house are in your sphere. If she wants some responsibility, it’s ok if she chooses how to cook the eggs.
You shall manage money competently and save to create future wealth. After demonstrating that you are a safe pair of hands it will be a lot easier to maintain discipline in this area. If you leave her with power over spending decisions she will squander the lot, so don’t give her the option.
I feel bound to point this out, but it should go without saying. You are not going to make this one stick unless you make decisions which are genuinely aimed at mutual benefit. Once you establish a trust that you will make responsible decisions, most girls will happily follow your leadership. Any girl who doesn’t is just asking for the door. As a gentleman you are ever-ready to open it for her.
3. Contraceptives and abortion are murder
Yes, that’s right. When you are selecting a wife or are married you don’t accept such practices. Why? Immediate children, more children, short gaps between children. These all increase her dependence on you and the loyalty that comes with it.
Sluts and pleasure-seeking women will next you right away if you insist on applying this rule. We are looking for a wife, right? So that’s a good thing. This rule may require some short delay before having sex. That’s fine, we are chasing a good partner for the next 50 years.
If she is marriageable don’t be afraid to make her pregnant before marriage. There is nothing like a baby on the way to increase your bargaining power. Since you are sincere in your search you are not harming her. You are helping her by overcoming her female propensity to waste her fertile years on a career, bad boys, and antidepressants.
4. I don’t touch children till they can walk
Yes, that’s right. Mothering is for mothers. If she tries to insist, just feign incompetence. It’s not hard and no girl can resist taking over.
If she claims she has other responsibilities that just means she doesn’t have enough time for those other responsibilities. Being a mother is a full-time job and her first priority. Any work, sport, church, or whatever that she can’t handle just has to go. Yes, that means everything up until the youngest child enters school.
It’s important for your children that they have her full attention. There is no one on Earth who will do as good a job. Child care services are not acceptable substitutes for a mother’s time, so don’t let her use them. If you are worried about your family living on a single income then either don’t get married, knuckle down, or harden up.
Breast feeding is good for children and increases her bond with your children, so make her do it for one year. Then make her stop. Otherwise it might delay the next child and make her search for alternatives to being a wife and mother.
5. You have left your old family and joined mine
Don’t actually say this one. Just make it clear that her family and friends from before are not important to you. Their opinions do not matter. Don’t spend a lot of time with them. Show them exemplary politeness, but only the required respect and minimum interest.
If she is worth having as a wife then she will get the message and simply attach herself to your family. Under no circumstance should you think that you can establish relations on a win-win basis with such people. They will turn on you the moment there are problems between you and your wife. When that happens, the less influence they have the better.
Now ask yourself how she will find the chance to stray?
Just imagine the situation. Wedding. Pregnant. Child born. Full time mother. No career. Breast feeding. Stop breast-feeding. Constant sex. Pregnant again. Repeat. There is little opportunity for her to get away from the children and her commitment to you, let alone consider alternatives to marriage. By the time the youngest child is in school her SMV relative to yours will have dropped, and you are safer. There are no guarantees in life but this is about as close as it comes to a solid gold one. So, follow these rules and enjoy your traditional marriage.
Published as a guest post on Return of Kings here